I wanted to be near them and listen to them and do very close friend stuff. I know you’ve posted on here about not labelling people for them but I would appreciate being pointed in the correct general direction? I do consider myself somewhere on the ace/aro spectrum, I just have no idea where or how far. I don’t think I’ve experienced romantic/sexual attraction. Also is limerence a bad thing? I couldn’t tell whether it was normal or not and it’s made me a bit worried. Thank you in advance.
Hey there, anon! Lemme see what I can do to help you out.
First off, a disclaimer: I don’t experience the majority of limerence, and the bits that I do experience, I don’t experience with any sort of discernible pattern. (For example, I’m not sure I’ve experienced any part of limerence with/to my girlfriend.) So I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to speak from experience.
Limerence is normal! No need to worry. Some people experience it, and some people don’t; either is totally fine. I know people who’ve experienced limerence (or something closely resembling it) with sexual, romantic, and even platonic attraction, so, yes, you can experience it separately from romantic/sexual attraction. I know a number of people who experience limerence as part of a squish; I experience bits and pieces of it with some squishes, as I’ve written about here.
Here’s a series of question for you: What did you want to do with your maybe limerence feelings? You said you wanted to be near them and listen to them and do very close friend stuff, but what about the attraction was different than what you normally experience? Did it feel more urgent? Was it more intense? Did you want to spend time with them more frequently than you would with other friends? Did you want to spend your time differently? You mentioned it possibly being in conjunction with sensual attraction, but what does that mean, functionally? Did you want to be physically close to them? Did you want to kiss them? Did you want to pet their hair? Did you want to be a particular sort of relationship with them? Did you want commitment or priority or both? Have you had squishes before? Was what you were experiencing different from a squish? If so, in what ways was it different?
Now that I’ve thoroughly interrogated you, lemme give you some signposts.
If you’re experiencing romantic attraction without desiring reciprocation, you might find the term “lithromantic” (or, the more recent term, “akoiromantic” or “akoineromantic”) helpful. Here’s the aromantics wiki entry, and the lithromantic tumblr. (Unfortunately, I don’t know know of any akoineromantic/akoiromantic resources; everything I know of doesn’t go beyond defining the term. Followers?)
You said you don’t think you’ve experienced romantic or sexual attraction, though, so maybe you’d like to look into aromanticism further. If you’re not sure whether you’ve experienced romantic attraction or not, you might find some writing on greyromanticism or wtfromanticism helpful. You might also find this piece and these pieces, all of which are about queerplatonic relationships, useful.
Hopefully that should get you started in the right direction, anon! Lemme know if there’s anything else I can do to help you out, yeah?