Concept Awesome

swankivy referred to me as an “[a]sexual community superstar.”

*falls out of her chair and lies on the floor giggling helplessly*

August 2014 Carnival of Aces Round-Up

Welcome to the August 2014 Carnival of Aces!  This month’s theme was the Unassailable Asexual.

I received 27 submissions, which I think may be a record high for the Carnival.  There are, additionally, three people who have said they will write posts (or have written posts), but were delayed from posting due to technical issues, travel, and more time needed for data gathering, respectively.  I will be editing this post to add their posts as I receive them, which is part of the reason I’m putting the actual linkspam under a cut.  (The other part of the reason is that 27 links is very long.)

Without further ado, here are the submissions to this month’s Carnival of Aces:

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I got to interview harris-hijiri about asexuality in Japan, the Japanese ace community, and much more!  Check it out!


So as I mentioned on the Question of the Week on Tuesday, there’s a new book on asexuality coming out soon! The Invisible Orientation, written by Julie Decker, AKASwankivy, will be coming out in the US on September 2nd. There have been quite a few other reviews of this book posted in the last few weeks, and I actually haven’t read any of them; I got my review copy quite recently and wanted to read the book and write this review before I read other opinions. Finally, I’m going to refer to the author as Swankivy as I write this piece because that’s the name I’ve known her by longest. If she would prefer I use a different name, I’m happy to change it!

I have written a thing! Now that I’ve written it, I’m off to read all the other awesome reviews that people have done. Go check it out!

Alternatively, you can read this significantly more coherent review from Sciatrix.

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality (review)

So if you haven’t heard, Julie Sondra Decker (or swankivy, as you might know her on the internet) wrote a book on asexuality that is coming out on September 2!  Here are a bunch of places you can order it.  I was fortunate enough to receive an advance copy to review, so here goes!*

Overall, this book is excellent.  It is pretty much everything you could want from a 101 asexuality book.  It’s easy to read, it’s well-organized, it has so much information, and it would be equally appropriate to hand to your professor, your partner, your parent, and your questioning best friend.

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When I wasn’t paying attention, I somehow became the cheerleading squad for my department.

I have no idea how this happened, other than I have no problem reminding my colleagues that they are awesome and their ideas matter.

GUEST POST: On Assailable Ace

This post was written for the August 2014 Carnival of Aces.  This month’s theme is “the Unassailable Asexual.”   Submissions are open until August 31, if you’d like to submit something!

The author of this piece has asked to remain anonymous.  Please respect their privacy and do not speculate about their identity.

The Unassailable Ace is not natural. Nor is the Assailable Ace. To accept these categories one must accept that there are some people who need more explanation, more justification in their identity. The debate over assailability elides the more fundamental question of the assailers. Who is attacking these identities and why?

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August 2014 Carnival of Aces: Call for Submissions



Hey, everyone!  I’m hosting the August round of Carnival of Aces!  (The masterpost for the carnival is here, for anyone unfamiliar with it.)

If you don’t know what a blogging carnival is, it’s an event where various people across the internet blog about a single topic.  At the end of the month, I (as the carnival host) will collect all the links into a single post.  Blogging carnivals are a cool way to see a bunch of different ideas about the same topic, find new blogs to read, and (if you’re a blogger yourself) motivate yourself to write.

The theme I’ve picked for this month is the Unassailable Asexual.  If you don’t know what the Unassailable Asexual is, here’s the forum thread where it was first formulated.  I’ve also heard it go by other names including "the Gold Star Asexual," "the ideal asexual," and “No True Asexual.” 

Here are some ideas to get you started off:

  • How has the idea of the Unassailable Asexual personally impacted you?  Did it make you harder for you to accept an asexual identity?
  • Has the Unassailable Asexual made it hard for you to accept identities/experiences/etc. unrelated to asexuality?
  • Has the idea of the Unassailable Asexual made you feel like you can’t talk about certain aspects of your identity/things you have experienced/etc. while being a visible asexual advocate (or even a visible asexual person)?
  • Have you ever had anyone (inside or outside asexual communities) attempt to invalidate your identity because you’re not an Unassailable Asexual?  How did you respond?
  • Does the Unassailable Asexual impact people differently depending on their place on the asexual spectrum?  Does the Unassailable Asexual impact questioning people differently than it impacts asexual spectrum people?
  • How can asexual communities better combat the idea of the Unassailable Asexual?  In what spaces do we need to work hardest to combat the idea of the Unassailable Asexual?
Feel free to write about any of these…or something completely different!

You are welcome to submit in formats other than blogs—vlogs, comics, fiction, graphics, you name it!  As long as it’s related to the topic, I’ll be happy to accept it.

If you would like to submit something but don’t have your own blog (or would rather not post your piece on your blog or would rather submit something anonymously), let me know, and I’ll be happy to host it for you!

If you are planning to submit (which I hope you are!), the deadline is August 31.  When you’ve finished your submission, you can send me a link at or by dropping me a message/ask/what have you.  I also track the #carnival of aces tag, although tagging on tumblr is notoriously spotty, so it’s generally good if you also send me a message.  If you have any questions or comments, my ask box is open (and my email inbox is too)!  I’m really excited to see what all of you come up with!

We’re now halfway through the month, so, hey, reminder that this is a thing that’s going on!  If you have things to say about “the Unassailable Asexual,” you should definitely submit something!

Also, I realize that some people may be uncomfortable talking about personal experiences, given the stigma associated with being an assailable asexual, which is why I am 100% okay with hosting guest posts on my blog, anonymized or not.  Drop me a line!  I promise I don’t bite.

Last reminder, I promise!  The last official day to submit to the Carnival is Sunday! 

Also, if you submit something, please do drop me a message.  If you don’t get a reply from me, it probably means tumblr ate the message.

Here goes everything

This post has been cross-posted to The Asexual Agenda.

This post was written for the August 2014 Carnival of Aces.  This month’s theme is “the Unassailable Asexual.”  You too can submit!

Trigger warnings: If you have any sexual violence-related triggers, please consider skipping this post.  Frank (although not explicit) discussion of sexual violence (including corrective rape) and associated emotional fallout, victim-blaming, invalidation, manipulation of survivors and their stories for political ends, and general suckiness ahead.  There should also be a blanket trigger warning for sexual violence for almost every link in this post.  If you think this needs additional warnings, please let me know.

I discovered the Wikipedia page for asexuality in January of 2008.  By September of the same year, I had PTSD.  These two facts are not unrelated.

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What does wearing a black band or ring on left ring finger mean for men

Hi, anon!

I know several gay men who wear black rings on their left ring fingers as engagement/wedding/commitment rings.  I’m fairly sure there’s a reason for it being black—I’ve heard various explanations from stainless steel/tungsten being more durable than gold to a desire to have something less showy than gold to ethical objections to gold—but I’m not particularly knowledgeable on this subject.  Maybe followers have more information?